Just When I Think…

Just when I think

I might actually know you

Some random information makes me wonder

 

Just when I think

we could really be friends

Someone comes in between and you run away

 

Just when I think

I’ve got you out of my system for good

You show up and remind me I still care

 

Just when I think

I finally have you figured out

You reveal another puzzle piece I never knew was there

 

Just when I think

I know every twist, turn, rise and drop

This roller coaster switches to another track

 

Just when I think

I don’t love you and never did

You do something to remind why I did and always will

 

Some would think I was crazy for staying in this tempest

But then, they don’t know you

I believed you were a person worth knowing

I believed you were a person worth loving

I still do.

I always will.

 

You’re not the ideal of perfection

You have flaws and faults and you make mistakes

But you’re imperfect perfection

Beautiful and kind

Funny and smart

An introvert hiding behind a raucous personality

Afraid of being you, thinking you’ll disappoint

But you could never disappoint anyone who truly knows you

 

Just when I think

I could never possibly care or love you more

 

I just do.

 

© 2012 Michelle D. Wampole

 

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My Wish For You

*Note: I originally wrote this in 2010

 

My Wish For You

No fear, no pain
Know how much you’ve yet to gain

No sorrow, no tears
An abundance of love the rest of your years

Never give up even when all seems lost
Doing what’s right regardless the cost
This is my wish for you

Family to surround,
Comfort and love you

Friends who will always
Be there to support you

Every dream you’ve had, may they all come true
All this and more…
My wish for you

 

Persistence, perseverance, patience
Resilience, determination, and endurance

Belief in yourself and the power of love
Faith in God and Heaven above

All of these are
My wish for you
copyright 2010 Michelle Wampole

Happy Birthday

I’m going to keep this simple

because I’ve tried to write from the heart

and I just end up in tears

 

Thank you for all the lessons you’ve taught me

Thank you for all the gifts you gave me

The music, the laughter, the tears

the joy and all the friends and fun

 

I hope fate is kind and fair to you

and that all the gifts you have given

are returned to you in equal or greater measure

 

You have been in turns

a confidant

a shelter and refuge in the worst storms of my life

a beacon of hope

a teacher

and, without ever knowing, one of my best friends

 

I can’t imagine this world without you in it

and, yet, with every year that passes

there’s a certainty that one day

I’ll live in a world that will be somewhat dimmer and colder

because you will have gone to a better place

and your light here will no longer shine

 

Until then, I’ll cherish

every moment

every laugh

every tear

every song

every lesson

every memory

 

Thank you

 

 

So much for keeping it simple… I still cried anyway.

Oh well… c’est la vie!

 

 

Because You’re Gone

I feel the constant stress easing

and the endless headache is gone

I’m breathing easier

and I slept straight through night

No arguing, no fighting

no constant bitching

Sweet peace and quiet

No constant worrying

All these are welcome

in this home forever

You are not

Goodbye and good riddance

Not Original Poetry… Just a good memory!

Sam I Am, and Green Eggs & Ham.

My poetic motor was turned on by Dr. Suess when I was just three years old and learned to read all by myself for the first time.

The book, still a favorite to this day even though I am well into adulthood, was “Green Eggs and Ham”.

I read it so many times that I had it memorized… so I am going to attempt to write the full text here.

I hope I don’t mess it up too bad, as I am doing this from memory.

Hats off to Theodor Seuss Geisel, who taught me to love words and rhyme almost from the moment I was born and my mother first read to me. 🙂

I am Sam
Sam I am

That Sam-I-am
That Sam-I-am!
I do not like
that Sam-I-am

Do you like
green eggs and ham?

I do not like them,
Sam-I-am.
I do not like
green eggs and ham.

Would you like them
Here or there?

I would not like them
here or there.
I would not like them
anywhere.
I do not like
green eggs and ham.
I do not like them,
Sam-I-am.

Would you like them
in a house?
Would you like them
with a mouse?

I do not like them
in a house.
I do not like them
with a mouse.
I do not like them
here or there.
I do not like them
anywhere.
I do not like green eggs and ham.
I do not like them, Sam-I-am.

Would you eat them
in a box?
Would you eat them
with a fox?

Not in a box.
Not with a fox.
Not in a house.
Not with a mouse.
I would not eat them here or there.
I would not eat them anywhere.
I would not eat green eggs and ham.
I do not like them, Sam-I-am.

Would you? Could you?
in a car?
Eat them! Eat them!
Here they are.

I would not ,
could not,
in a car

You may like them.
You will see.
You may like them
in a tree?
I would not in a tree.
I would not, could not in a tree.
Not in a car! You let me be.

I do not like them in a box.
I do not like them with a fox
I do not like them in a house
I do mot like them with a mouse
I do not like them here or there.
I do not like them anywhere.
I do not like green eggs and ham.
I do not like them, Sam-I-am.

A train! A train!
A train! A train!
Could you, would you
on a train?

Not on a train! Not in a tree!
Not in a car! Sam! Let me be!
I would not, could not, in a box.
I could not, would not, with a fox.
I will not eat them with a mouse
I will not eat them in a house.
I will not eat them here or there.
I will not eat them anywhere.
I do not like them, Sam-I-am.

Say!
In the dark?
Here in the dark!
Would you, could you, in the dark?

I would not, could not,
in the dark.

Would you, could you,
in the rain?

I would not, could not, in the rain.
Not in the dark. Not on a train,
Not in a car, Not in a tree.
I do not like them, Sam, you see.
Not in a house. Not in a box.
Not with a mouse. Not with a fox.
I will not eat them here or there.
I do not like them anywhere!

You do not like
green eggs and ham?

I do not
like them,
Sam-I-am.

Could you, would you,
with a goat?

I would not,
could not.
with a goat!

Would you, could you,
on a boat?

I could not, would not, on a boat.
I will not, will not, with a goat.
I will not eat them in the rain.
I will not eat them on a train.
Not in the dark! Not in a tree!
Not in a car! You let me be!
I do not like them in a box.
I do not like them with a fox.
I will not eat them in a house.
I do not like them with a mouse.
I do not like them here or there.
I do not like them ANYWHERE!

I do not like
green eggs
and ham!

I do not like them,
Sam-I-am.

You do not like them.
SO you say.
Try them! Try them!
And you may.
Try them and you may I say.

Sam!
If you will let me be,
I will try them.
You will see.

Say!
I like green eggs and ham!
I do!! I like them, Sam-I-am!
And I would eat them in a boat!
And I would eat them with a goat…
And I will eat them in the rain.
And in the dark. And on a train.
And in a car. And in a tree.
They are so good so good you see!

So I will eat them in a box.
And I will eat them with a fox.
And I will eat them in a house.
And I will eat them with a mouse.
And I will eat them here and there.
Say! I will eat them ANYWHERE!

I do so like
green eggs and ham!
Thank you!
Thank you,
Sam-I-am.

Why?

Why do I always get tongue tied

Why am I always so nervous

Why can’t I just be myself

 

It seems I can’t just meet someone new

and totally be at ease

I always feel I’m a step behind

and everyone is out of my league

I know it goes back to how I was treated

when I was only a child

Constantly told I was completely worthless

Having it beaten into me, with a smile

 

Just when I think I’ve let all that go

and I can finally just move on

It rears it’s ugly head when I meet someone new

I get so insecure, I freeze… when I want to be strong

 

I wanted to say I enjoyed being with you

I wanted to reach for your hand

I wanted to give you a hug when we parted

I hope you can understand

 

My silence was not because

you did something wrong

I really was having fun

The problem is completely my own

so please don’t turn and run

 

© Michelle D. Wampole 2012

 

 

The Way It Is Going To Be

How do I make you understand

this is the way it is going to be

After years of hiding and self-loathing

I am happy to finally just be me

It’s not a sin, not a mistake

It’s the way that I was made

You can disagree all you want

But I refuse to make room for hate

I prayed and cried and begged for years

To be changed to your view of what’s right

Either God isn’t there, or He completely ignored me

Or just maybe, the way I am IS right

All I know is that I am finally comfortable

living my life the way that’s best for me

Allowing myself to finally love and be loved

Out… and proud… and, at last, free.

© Michelle D. Wampole 2012

 

I Am Not

I am not some label you choose to slap on me

because you don’t understand me

I am not some diagnosis that a doctor gives me

to explain away behavior not considered normal

I am not some victim crying; curled up in a corner

I am a survivor that you couldn’t erase

no matter how hard you tried

 

I am not a naive little girl

I am not a doormat for anyone to walk on

But I am not ashamed of the labels

I am not afraid of the diagnoses

 

Bipolar, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder,

Borderline Personality Disorder, Bisexual,

Geek, Tomboy, Stupid, Unlovable, Ugly, Slut,

Liar, Bastard, Bitch, and more

 

Labels placed on me by doctors, abusers

and people who just don’t get me.

They all have some part of who I have become

but not a single one defines me

 

I am not a label

I am not a diagnosis

I am me

 

Love me or hate me, it makes no difference

I am who I was born to be

 

© Michelle D. Wampole 2012

All Rights Reserved

Endless Loop

What does it take to get you out of my head

To silence the echoes of the past

To let go of what I know is untrue

Yet it insists it’s all there is to me

and I am nothing

 

Your voice, ever persistent

reminding me that I am nothing,

no one, unloveable, stupid, ugly

only good for a fuck (though you never got that far yourself)

and only for an old man who couldn’t get it anywhere else

 

Your hands slapping, your fists punching

your feet kicking your hands chocking and twisting limbs

Never leaving a visible bruise

But leaving invisible emotional scars that never fade

 

Most days I never hear you anymore

but days like today…

You’re on an endless loop

 

I think I’ll just change this tape

Shut the fuck up and goodbye!

 

© 2012 Michelle D. Wampole

All Rights Reserved